Stewart Lee has spoiled me. His work is so precise, so honed and controlled that it puts most other stand-up comedians to shame. His delivery is slow but perfectly timed, his choice of words impeccable. Sometimes he deliberately irritates his audience with repetition or sly insults, but I find that very funny indeed. At times he even picks apart his material on stage, explaining why it may or may not work and how he came to that conclusion.

In short, he knows what he's doing. Which is more than can be said for a lot of comedians, many of whom I suspect went into comedy because their mates down the pub told them they were "well funny". Stewart Lee is to other comedians what John Coltrane is to a kid with a kazoo. And what that kazoo-playing kid is to Kenny G.

His latest DVD, 41st Best Stand Up Ever is not quite as great as his previous one, but still most enjoyable. But the first half is so funny I'm actually too exhausted to laugh by the end, whereas I always find the necessary energy to laugh at his Standup Comedian DVD. However, it does feature a wonderful bit about the Celebrity Big Brother racism scandal, and the absurdity of light entertainment stars trying to make a serious statement.

When Martin Luther King saw racism in 1960s America, Martin Luther King called it out in the strongest, most visionary, eloquent terms possible. Martin Luther King said;
"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character." - Martin Luther King.

And when Russell Brand saw racism in his place of work, Big Brother, Russell Brand said;
"Oooh! There's been some bad racism and stuff going down today, and no mistake, my liege. It's made Mr. Winky go right small it has. Oh yes it has, oh yeah. And my ballbag, my old ballbag, has only gone up my bum. Here's H from Steps."

Richard Herring: The Headmaster's Son

White Belly @ Smirnoff Underbelly, Saturday 16th August 7.30pm

Richard Herring is always a safe pair of hands at the Fringe, even if those hands are freakishly small, like those of a 9-year old girl.

It's his 180th show and 700th year at the Fringe (probably) since he first ventured up with the Oxford Revue in the late '80s, accompanied by his future comedy partner Stewart Lee, young eyes (probably) gleaming with hope for the future.

Now he's 41 years old, overweight,* unmarried and frustrated by the progress of his career, and a seemingly genuine sense of regret at these factors has fuelled his stand-up for the last few years.

The other thing that fuels his stand-up is his whole-hearted desire to push the boundaries of good taste with fascinatingly elaborate diatribes about wanking off paedophiles, burning old people and the positive traits of Maxine Carr. When these tear an anguished howl of laughter from the audience, he grins like a schoolboy doing something he knows he shouldn't.

This year's show is largely about his time at school as the son of the titular headmaster (the wonderfully named T.K. Herring) and his attempt to work out whether he could blame both his failings and his choice of profession on this formative experience.

Herring is tremendously good value for money, a likeable performer who packs a lot of great material into an hour and rambles through it at speed.

Those of you who stalk him as I do may find bits of the material familiar. He uses his daily blog Warming Up to try out new ideas, while the increasingly wonderful Collings and Herrin Podcasts (with Andrew Collins) may have spoiled you to the novelty of seeing this nationally-known comedian in the flesh (edit: on reflection, the second half of that sentence is meaningless.)

(I think these podcasts deserve some discussion of their own at a later date.)

This is maybe Herring's strongest show since I began stalking him a few years ago. Well worth a visit.

*Better now.

Bridget Christie: The Court of King Charles II The Second

Baby Belly 3 @ Underbelly's Baby Belly, Saturday 16th August 4.50pm

Stalker that I am, for the first ten minutes of this gig I kept hearing a voice in my head telling me that I was watching Stewart Lee's wife. When she showed us a picture of her baby, and said his name was Luke Lee, the voice helpfully shouted "Like Stewart Lee! Same name!" This was initially distracting, but I eventually relegated the madness-voice to the back of my head, where it formed a Greek chorus with the rest and started to sing in unison. That's the low hum you hear as I walk by.*

Anyway. I got over this disability quickly enough to thoroughly enjoy the rest of the show. Christie doesn't really have the body of a dog - that's only for the poster - but she does spend most of the time putting on costumes and enthusiastically making a tit of herself in the guise of various historical figures, including, of course, Charles II.

I don't think I've seen another show this year - with the possible exception of Pappy's Fun Club*** - in which the performer was so willing to just fanny around and have a good time. She certainly seemed to be enjoying it as much as the audience were, putting considerable effort into gurning, sword-fighting, sound effects and, eventually, screaming. It'd actually be an almost perfect show for kids.****

The energy flags in the last quarter, but Christie carries it through on goodwill alone. A bright, refreshing, unpretentious***** hour of character comedy and general silliness - highly recommended.

Some footnotes:

*You didn't expect me to know what a Greek chorus was, did you? I studied Classical Civilisations for half a year, my friend. At a university. And not just any university - the University of Glasgow. The Oxford of the North, they call it.**

**Untrue.

***Runner-up prize goes to Reception for the bit with the peanuts, binbags and water. Splish splosh.

****Probably you'd have to cut the bit where she kept hissing "cunt!" as Derek Acorah.

*****Opposites attract.******

******Yes, there are six footnotes in this post. University of Glasgow, pal.

“It's been 23 years since I first came here, but I still love doing it. I don't think I could ever miss it now.” Stewart Lee is one the festival's real veterans. And with both a stand-up show and a play to put on, he's back, and sure to be as critically acclaimed and big-selling as ever.

“This year's been really relaxing so far actually, especially being here with my family” says Lee, who recently became a father. “I'm usually up at 5.30am now for the baby, which used to be the time I'd get in when I was here a few years ago. I can almost see the ghost of my past self as I go out the door.”

And it's not just fatherhood in the future for Lee, as this year's festival run sees him perfecting ideas for a much expected BBC TV series in 2009. “The show is really for a TV series that's been four years in the pipeline. There's old and new material in there. It might seem a bit bitty, but the audiences are responding well.”

It shall be a welcome return to our screens for Lee whose last creative television work was directing the sorely under-rated Attention Scum. “I'm back on BBC2 now its ratings are down 50%,” he jokes. “I'm even getting on with the executives this time. I'm so old now, they leave me alone to do what I want really. Like a real grown up.”

But it's not only his solo stand-up show Lee's involved with this festival. Following on from last year's sell out play, Johnson and Boswell: Late But Live, he's teamed up again with Miles Jupp and long-time collaborator, Simon Munnery, to bring its Elizabeth and Raleigh equivalent to the Fringe. “They're both fantastic comedians,” he says of the pair. “And just as good actors as it turns out. It all started as a joke really to cast Simon as Elizabeth, but he does actually play it really well. It's almost scary.”

Things aren't all perfect at this year's fringe however, and Lee isn't afraid to speak his mind on the matter. “There are two bad things with this year's festival. The first is the failure of the website. All the organisers had to do was create a website that worked, distribute the program and sell tickets, and they couldn't do any of that. And that's discouraged the lovely little people with their flasks and sandwiches who come up and fill shows and allow interesting acts to be discovered.”

“The Edinburgh Comedy Festival has also effectively introduced a two-tier system this year. It's a nice, sane thing to have everyone together on the same footing. But this separates the big acts from the smaller ones and is destroying much of what's good about the festival for awful marketing reasons.”

This cynicism of the marketing approach has affected the way Lee distributes his own recorded work. His last DVD was sold by independent on-line retailers, Go Faster Stripe and his current DVD release, 41^st Best Stand-Up Ever, named after the Channel 4 poll that saw him nominated as such, is again produced by an independent company. “I did it with Real Talent, who have been great, and I'm really pleased with the way it's turned out. It's sold more in the first week than my first DVD ever did.”

“Of course, with the internet now, you can cut out the middleman, who can often be an obstruction or a filter. With my What Would Judas Do show, Radio 4 were interested in recording and selling a version of it. But with all their conditions, it just wasn't worth it. With Go Faster I was able to make more money and have complete control over the recording.”

But how important is recorded work for a comedian's career? “I mean, you can get now 4 DVD's with Peter Kay doing the same material in four different venues, but you're not able to find something by Simon Munnery anywhere. Music's always being recorded and sold or downloaded, no matter who or how old it is.

“It's just good to have your stuff archived. It's certainly helpful to have 90 minutes of material out there that will always be around. It keeps you motivated. From 1997 to 2001 I was doing pretty much the same show, as there was no real incentive to move on.”

Lee has moved onto many sources for his material in his time, often finding himself the subject of much controversy along the way. Would he call himself an antagonist? “I never go out of way to cause offence. It's just a by-product of my performance.

“It's like being upset at a dog shitting in the gutter. It may offend people who look at it, but it's not its primary purpose. With the people who complained about Jerry Springer, nobody really thought to look past that and see the thoughtful take on morals and ethics we were trying to develop with the show. If I ever deliberately set out to cause offence, it would be a lot stronger.

“I see people like Jerry Sadowitz who does material that even almost even shocks me a little, but he does it all in such a way where he just seems to take such little joy or pleasure in what he's saying, and it's brilliant. It's important to have the right tone when it comes to controversy.”

Controversies all very well in a comedian's repertoire, but should more stand-ups go out with a point and purpose in their material? “They should just do what they want. But sometimes it's only really the comedian who can, or will, challenge topics that need to be challenged. If you look to America, the only real music star saying something significant against the government is Neil Young, who's now in his 70s. It's taking younger comedians to stand up and say something.”

And there you have it. Only getting funnier and eloquent with age, and the easiest interviewee I have ever had.

Stewart Lee: Scrambled Egg, Stand Comedy Club, The Stand Comedy Club, 3 – 24 Aug (not Fridays or Saturdays), 7.45pm (8.45pm), £10.00, fpp 100.

Elizabeth and Raleigh: Late But Live, Blue Box Eleanor Lloyd Festival Highlights Anthony Field Associates Underbelly and Skullduggery, Udderbelly's Pasture,31 Jul – 25 Aug (not 13), 10.35pm (11.35pm), prices vary, fpp 48.

TOP: Batman (from t-shirt in some magazine); Joker (from The Killing Joke cover); Weighted Companion Cube (from Portal).

SECOND TOP: The Stand (from Edinburgh Fringe stuff), Josie Long (from 2007 show Trying is Good); The Book Club (from 2007 Edinburgh Fringe stuff); Stewart Lee (from 2007 show 41st Best Stand Up Ever!).

MIDDLE: Myths (all from a very old Sunday Hearld Seven Days cover about Myths and Legends).

SECOND BOTTOM: Spider (from ?); Simon Munnery (from Edinburgh Fringe Stuff); Prism (from New Scientist); Fox (from advert for Fox and the Child).

BOTTOM: Car (from ?); Lightbulb (from ?); Ford Prefect (from SFX).

Ben Moor: Not Everything Is Significant

Picture from edcomfest.com

Upstairs @ Pleasance Courtyard, Sunday 3rd August 3.15pm

Prelude:

It was so hot. It was so hot.

Open a door next time.

Review:

Ben Moor has one of those voices that you have to develop on purpose. He sounds like Radio 4. It's a storyteller's voice: deep, rich, warm and comforting; emotions exposed to the elements.

His show sounds like Radio 4 too - there was definitely something of The Afternoon Play about it. I almost want to say I could have just experienced the whole thing on Radio 4 (particularly given how mind-crunchingly hot it was) but you'd miss Moor's physical presence. Nevermind the headdress, which he rarely dons and probably just picked up for the fliers - he is an engaging performer, somehow combining a lanky, slightly awkward appearance with perfect grace in movement.

Moor tells us a story about a man who receives a diary, written in his own handwriting, that has laid out his own future for him. Will he follow it? No spoilers, but it's safe to say that the curiosities do not end here. Not Everything Is Significant is small but perfectly formed, with a strange and particular atmosphere that gradually becomes apparent.

If you have ever wanted to see Radio 4 walking about and talking, you owe it to yourself to see Ben Moor. If there's any criticism to be made, it's that he takes his sense of humour from that station as well, and it's gentle, to say the least. Still, it's possible that anything sharper would have torn the fabric of the show, and this was never billed as a comedy performance. The jokes are just little beats in a gently hypnotic tale that I ultimately found captivating.

Disclosure: I enjoyed this show, but I did not fully understand it. I don't really want to say any more than that, in case you should see it yourself. (And you should.)

P.S. Some time after I bought tickets, both Stewart Lee and Robin Ince named Moor as a likely highlight of the festival. I allowed myself to bathe in smugness, for a time.

Edward Aczel: Do I Really Have To Communicate With You?

Delhi Belly @ Smirnoff Underbelly, Friday 1st August 4:05pm

With the best will in the world, it's hard to recommend Edward Aczel. His is the anti-humour that people like Stewart Lee and Simon Munnery flirt with, but taken to the next step - one that unfortunately is unlikely to take many people along with him. His deliberate refusal to bring the slightest hint of energy to the show was a little draining.

It's maybe the type of show that depends on the audience. According to what the ladything overheard from the staff, this one had done well for early ticket sales. There were maybe twenty-five people in, compared to the eight of us who saw John & Ollie earlier, and as an audience we were mostly game. But maybe for Aczel, less is more - this quiet, bleak, lumbering beast of a show might have done better with a more intimate audience.

As was, he got some laughs, even if they were slightly bewildered. He amusingly ran through the failure of his previous shows, and indeed of this one, using some bar graphs and charts. The conceit that he genuinely had no material was initially funny, and became funnier as it became clear that no, really, he actually didn't have any material. And then, after a while... it stopped being that funny. He had one joke - himself - and by the end, even by the halfway point, I was kind of tired of the joke.

None of this is really intended to be blast him. I laughed intermittently, and enjoyed myself, more or less, but his show is more of an idea than it is a set, and while I can just about imagine that it might grow into something genuinely funny if the stars happened to be aligned, prospective viewers should know what they're letting themselves in for. But he did at least have the courtesy to bring a smoke machine.

Anyhoo I have always found something special in the works of Stewart Lee. His material like most great art holds a specific signature that you could only imagine from his lips.  Not even Joe Pasquelle could perform them (if you dont understand watch "90's Comedian", you'll get no explanation from me). Unlike the words of Jim Davison which could easily be associated with any other bigoted comic/ignorant fool, or one of your every day racists (or societies mold-that's mold not mould- as I like to call them). You may be wandering why I mention Jim "Satan's stool sample" Davidson and that he's just an echo of comedy's pre-p.c past (more on that later). However I am still haunted by the fact that in my town of Southampton jim, jethro and chubby brown seem to perform twice a year, in the largest theatres.

As each word that Stewart Lee expertly times is spawned from every experience that has marked and inspired him (or not, to be honest everything i am writing is probably irrelevant and been written before by someone who doesn't have annoyingly long "random" brackets). Showing Comedy as the art form it is. However Stewart Lee would probably like me to say that there are plenty of other comedians that show the art of comedy (although having not met him or know him in anyway, he might not, I don't know...leave me alone).

On another point (or a very similar one), not only is Stewart Lee hilarious, there's usually a meaning behind his humour.  Which often leaves you in a thoughtful yet joyous mood. After realising the upcoming release of his latest DVD I went through a searching frenzy on youtube and found all sorts of clips. One of my favourite being from David Badiel's radio programme "Heresey", in which Stewart lee responds to the opinion that "political correctness has gone mad". Which I believe anyone who holds the opinion should watch (it's an audio clip but it's in a video format...bullies). To be honest the only reason I started this post is to spread the clip, which having been around you probably know about it anyway, which not only shows yet again the irrelevance of this post (and most likely any others) but draws it to a close. For now anyway, until I return to edit spelling misttakkes.

Last week I discovered a brilliant 80s band, I'll tell you about that when I get back though.

Last.fm have finally launched the royalties program, so go ahead and make me rich. For a couple of thousand plays we'll be earning one whole buck, so get to work :)

Watched 4 more or less silent films - Faust (beautiful but a bit tedious in the second half, I suggest getting the isohunt torrent version, has a better soundtrack than the archive.org one), La Jetee (awesome), Man With a Movie Camera (brilliant, especially thanks to the great soundtrack played by The Cinematic Orchestra) and The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (great visuals but a bit slow and predictable) - I intend to watch more of them in the following days.

And finally,  here's a trailer for the upcoming DVD by the amazing Stewart Lee:

Here's a bit of young Lee in action:

UPDATE: back from Priest, they fuckin KILLED!

• Jag har sett Sveriges EM-matcher i Nåntuna på en HD-projektor. Det har skrikits lite och njutits en del ... speciellt då Sverige verkligen spelade propaganda-fotboll i första halvleken mot Spanien
• Jag har spelat NHL 08 på PS3 i Nåntuna på samma HD-projektor som ovan och gapat lite
• Har spelat Mass Effect och undrat varför det är så att vissa speltillverkare dels väljer rätt build av Unreal-motorn och dels klarar av att optimera den bra (som i Mass Effects fall) - medan andra misslyckas katastrofalt. I samma andetag så har jag undrat om någon kan göra rymdsåpor bättre än Bioware. Knappast
• Tänkt på tok för mycket i banorna "En Xbox360/PS3:a på avbetalning ... yum"
• Längtat till midsommar och samtidigt riktat upp en näve mot skyn och förbannat vädret

Och vad ska hända härnäst? Mmm, spännande. Något att leka med ... och sjokla!
Nu i veckan är det studier som gäller. På onsdag så ska jag och farsan flänga förbi IKEA och köpa en plafond samt ett par nya gardiner. Sedan ska vi iväg och köpa färg ... för jag ska ä n t l i g e n måla om i mitt kök :) Bye bye citrus-tapeter! Och avslutningsvis så blir det Nåntuna på kvällen och fotboll på nytt.

På fredag så drar vi iväg till Gräsö och såvida inte kusinen får ett bättre Midsommar-erbjudande (vilket man inte kan tro är möjligt) så kommer han med.

"which is sad, but lucky in a way ..."

The Stand Up Blog will be there, hopefully getting a few interviews for the site.

Here's a clip of if.comeddie nominee Paul Sinha

The only type of people that will definitely have a problem in the US will be those who are carting baggage from their own countries thinking that the US will "fix" their problems. We have a kind of saying in America that if you leave your country, you take ALL of your problems with you. Your problems will STILL be there no matter what country you decide to live in. If you are overly-cynical, have a closed mind, are a misanthrope, have severe mental problems, pessimistic, and the type that whines and moans about everything, you will be miserable here and probably not too well liked.

If you already have a pre-existing negative attitude about America and its people, don't waste your time. America will be a living hell for you.

If you are coming to the states to just use this country for a single advantage that you cannot get in your own country, then you will be unhappy here.

And if you're going out of your way to look for bad things, you will find them.

The "American Dream"? People more than often misunderstand the meaning of this term. The "American Dream" does not mean that you can just simply arrive here and become rich and live a life of happiness without lifting a finger. America IS a land of opportunities, but YOU have to make that happen. You have to be realistic. You cannot expect the American people and its government to make all your dreams come true. We will NOT spoon-feed you here - nor will we take you by the hand and make things "work" for you. Simply put, America has the dream and the opportunities, you must do the rest.

We are a country that believes in "personal responsibility". If things aren't happening as you want or expect them to, you must evaluate YOUR situation and make those changes on your own. This is not to say that unfortunate things won't happen that are beyond your control. This is not to say that nice American people won't sympathize with you or give you some help, either. Bad things WILL happen. Expect them to happen. But what's important is that you must be able to distinguish between an occurrence that is within your control and one that is not. Your attitude can make all the difference in the world.

Know that you are not a hostage in the United States, and that you're welcome to return to your home country at any time. We only tie-up, bind, and use whips and chains on our lovers, not our immigrants.

Learn a bit about the US before you arrive here. America has both good and bad. Get to know both to decrease the amount of "culture shock" before you arrive.

I lived in Japan for 6.5 years, and I made the decision to go there roughly three years before I graduated from college. Most of my friends were Japanese at the time. While they were happy that I chose Japan to be the place to live, some informed me of the ills to expect when I live there. And they did not sugar-coat it for me. I was armed with knowledge that even a text book or amazon.com couldn't have offered me. My Japanese friends were realists. A couple of them were thinking that my plans of going to Japan were naive. By the time I had arrived in Japan, not only was I feeling "ready" but I was on my way to conversational fluency in the Japanese language.

When I got there, I stayed at my friend's home for two months while I was shopping for a job and an apartment. At my friend's home, only my friend could speak a tiny bit of English, but the rest of the family could not. They all spoke to me in Japanese ONLY for my benefit. I got a boatload of "tough-love". I got a boot-camp degree in Japanese Culture. I'm not gonna lie. It was rough at times. When I moved off into my own apartment, I was able to be self-sufficient and didn't really experience any dramatic cultural shocks. However, I did experience culture wonders! :D My initial plan was to stay there for two years. I loved it so much that I stayed over 6 years. Excuse my French, but Japan kicks ass! There will always be a part of me that regrets coming back to the US because of how well I was doing over there both in terms of having met the nicest people, fantastic friends, the best yoga teacher, an awesome job, good entertainment, and I had also been making a lot of money over there too (yeah... that's an amerikkan thing... we likie money...). Interestingly enough, the Japanese people and American people have more in common than I could have ever imagined. The Japanese aren't Americanophobic either.

Back to the topic: Do extensive research before you pack you bags to live in America. You may be judged because of the ethnic group that you come from, but then again, so will I when I go or move to another country. Being American in and of itself sets me up for attack across the board. This concept is not rocket science, people. As my British friend, Jeff, puts it ---> "There are wankers everywhere". Expect them.

You get back what you give. In SuperFrenchie's blog, there was a posting about dispelling French myths. (There are just as many myths about French people as there are about Americans!) With that said, I was directed to this site (The Top Myths about Paris) which says something that should ring true for all countries including the United States.

MYTH #5: Parisians are unfriendly and rude.

Explanation: This myth couldn't be farther from the truth, since the majority of Parisians are kind, helpful and friendly. Upon first meeting, Parisians can appear to be less casual and more reserved by North American standards, however, this does not translate to unfriendliness. Be aware that often what you put out is what you get back, so if Parisians are approached in the right way from the beginning, chances of a more pleasant interaction increase. An attempt to speak the language goes a long way with Parisians. Always begin a conversation with ‘bonjour’, especially when entering a store. Asking immediately, ‘do you speak English?’ riles many Parisians and will start you off on the wrong foot. Think about it, if foreigners are constantly asking if you speak their language in a country where English is the official language, then how would that make you feel? Use your best school French and have fun with it; Parisians love to correct and help people with their admittedly difficult language!

Hat tip: SuperFrenchi

The same rings true for America. If you act like an asshole, you'll be treated like one!

America: The Land of the Free? That is a naive concept. To think that we are 100% free? We have more freedom of speech than most countries, though. Michael Moore, NAMBLA, and The Westboro Baptist Church (they don't just hate gays, FYI... They also hate America, Canada, Mexico, Sweden, Ireland etc), are one of the most famous poster children for American Freedom of Speech. However, freedom of speech has its limitations and justifiably so. If you want to walk topless through the streets, you can go to Canada for that. ;-) Old freedoms that we were once used to, have unfortunately been stripped away from both the radical right and the radical left.

Yes, people will judge you on your beliefs. Yes, people will challenge your opinions. Yes, people may disagree with you harshly. A lot of people misconstrue the challenging of held beliefs to be a infringement on their "freedom of speech". No! Freedom of speech goes BOTH ways. If you speak up, your audience has a right to speak back. Expect this.

You will see all walks of life here in the US and diversity in terms of ethnicity, thought, religion, upbringing, and values depending on where you live. I have explained this in more detail in the beginning of this post. Some states and cities are more diverse than others. There are plenty of Americans that are racist, but one thing that I find (based on my limited research, admittedly) unique about the US is that we're a bit less openly vocal about our prejudices. While there are stigmas and stereotypes attached to ALL groups of people, you will find that it's a bit easier to be fat, dumb, ugly, ignorant, have poor taste in clothes, unhygienic, to be driving around in a clunker, and in short, be as individual as you'd like to be. You will be less judged here as opposed to being an American carrying those "socially unacceptable" quirks into another country. Try being a conservative fat American wearing a cowboy hat with a Texas accent in another country (outside Eastern Asia)! You won't make it. I'd place money on that. At least in America, you can join all the fat, greedy, neo-con-bible-thumping, capitalist, dumb, ignorant, lazy, loud, and obnoxious people here. You're more than welcome. :-)

Our first amendment also allows you to burn our flags and wave your own here. No problem!

You can be whomever you want to be in America. Expect that not everyone's going to LIKE you. This is NOT a violation of "civil liberties". This is opinion. And Americans, like any other country, have them. Stewart Lee in the UK said it well in this video toward the end:

"...some of the things that are great about America, namely "freedom of speech" and a certain kinda social equality in that everyone there is allowed to say whatever they want no matter how stupid and ill-informed it is, and I think there's something noble about that, genuinely". -- Stewart Lee (director of Jerry Springer, The Opera)

With that said, we also accept (with welcome arms) the slender, the intelligent, the intellectuals, the nerdy scholars, the hard workers, the polite, the humorous, the athletes, the hotties, the homosexuals, the tolerant, the socialists, as well as the demure, quiet, and shy.

America is a perfect blending of ALL these groups. This is what makes America great. I'm not saying that it's the best country in the world, but in terms of THIS type of freedom, I'd say this is a great thing.

Many Americans are prejudiced against Muslims. And by Muslims, I'm talking about even those moderate Muslims that are peaceful. BUT, you can still go to a 7-11 or many convenience stores and find a man wearing a turban. Most of us don't really care!!

Here's what is NOT free in America: You are NOT welcome to "freedom of speech" in private places or within privately owned organizations and the like. Just think about it this way: When you enter someone's home, you go by THEIR "house rules", right? Why? Because a home is someone's PRIVATE property. You can be asked to leave if you act in a way that is unacceptable. (Obviously, this is not unique to America.) The same scenario applies to message boards, websites, blog commenting areas, companies, institutions, or private---anything. So, this also explains why your, "I hate fucking Americans - Death to America" group on Facebook got deleted.

Just remember, if you ever get confused about our 1st Amendment, the 1st Amendment addresses what the government cannot do:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

America tops the charts among all the developed countries in the world as being the most violent and criminal. No other first world country has the same amount of crime, child abuse and sexual abuse rates. Teens have been having babies for the longest time. How can one expect them to grow up "normal"? I have no problem admitting that we are, in fact, a violent society. And because of this, in my opinion, we also can be superficial and shallow. A big portion of us are neurotic and some of us have odd ways of coping with our past and present dirty laundry bags. Americans, like any other people, are what they are because of "where they've been". And because it is more likely that Americans will grow up in a violent or troubled family, it is also more likely that we may appear less desirable to not only other Americans but to those non-American as well. Am I making an excuse for these people? Yes and no. Yes, in the way that we have limited control all depending on the LEVEL (I can't stress this enough) of trauma/stress (both past and present). And no, I'm not making an excuse for them in such a way that I HATE being on the other end of someone else's idiocy. All I'm trying to say is that because of all the social problems we have in the US, you have to expect the people to be a bit weird on some level.

In your country, you may have been taught that all Americans are rich. Be prepared for a HUGE surprise when you get here. ;-)

In your country, you may have been taught that the "all-American-diet" is Coca Cola and McDonald's. (Psst... It's really hot dogs and apple-pie. ;-) ) Be prepared for another shocker. There are so many kinds of American foods. There are also international restaurants all over the place (even in my little "backwood hick town" in Texas). And there's this little invention called the "grocery store" where you get to pick and choose what you want to eat and make it yourself at home. If you get FAT, that's not our problem! You decide what goes in your mouth. I will say, however, that generally speaking, America isn't made for walking.

In your country, you may have been taught that all Americans are lazy. I promise you. Once you get good and settled here and decide to work or wonder why your friends are too busy to talk to you as much, you'll be complaining about how America works you and everyone else too hard!

Are we going to MELT YOU? I'm getting increasingly exhausted hearing from Americanophobic Canadians (who have never ventured south of the border to hang out for longer than a few minutes to fill up their gas tanks) that the US is a melting-pot and forces its belief systems on innocent, peaceful and vulnerable immigrants. That is a myth, and one that confuses me terribly. We are, in fact, NOT a melting-pot. We are a salad bowl.

Minority groups continue to create and nurture their own culture and maintain its uniqueness while being surrounded by a majority of people. They are able to do that nowadays. The American society therefore is best described as a big bowl full of different ingredients. They all make up the salad by being there, and the more the ingredients, the more the salad becomes rich and tasty.

We are not about full-throttle multiculturalism either. We are a blend of the two. Here in America you are more than welcome to retain your cultural heritage, celebrate it, read newspapers in your own language, eat your own foods and live how you'd like to live. Many immigrants moving to the US aren't yet fluent in English, so they tend to make friends and live in close proximity with those from the same country. We don't even have an official language here! There are people from other countries that have been here for 10-20 years that still don't have a hold on the English language and some cannot speak it at all. We may appreciate your customs, but we may not want to live by your customs or learn your language. With that said, you are also granted with the freedom to speak only your language while refusing to speak English. I had to assimilate into the Japanese culture and the Japanese work-ethic in Japan. People from other countries are expected to assimilate to some degree here in the US.

And for the love of all that "holy", YES (!)... you can get dual-citizenship here!!!

Celebrate the differences, people. Because at the end of the day, we are, in fact, all people. Come to America if you wish, but be realistic, do you homework beforehand, and have an open mind. I could go on, but there are plenty of resources on the web to further your knowledge points about America. Here on my blog, I have debunked a lot of myths that your media systems and your family have told you otherwise. I don't pretend that America is perfect, but at the same time, it's nowhere near as bad the way the media and rumors make it out to be.

Pea Green Boat is a 21-minute spoken word adaptation of the poem The Owl and the Pussycat - Stewart Lee turns it into a very perceptive, dark and funny story.

As with any of Lee's work (but probably this even more), you'll either think it's brilliant or just pretentious British bullshit. I'm reluctant to share it here, because I'd rather you all buy it :D There's lots of worse things you could spend £5 on, and you'd be supporting a tr00 underground artist. Listen to a sample and buy it here.

Here's a quote from the Owl's diary that may convince you:

Did I tell you the Cat speaks to me? It speaks to me, the Owl. It says it wants to marry me. But it has anxieties as to how we will sanctify our union, as we have no ring. Which is predictable. And, as we are of different species, we could never mate - thus, the symbolism of the ring, binding us together, becomes all-important. It's all we have.

Also I should mention the background music is great and works perfectly in setting the mood for the story. Alright then, just get the damn thing.

How’s the tour been going?

Its been going really good, I gave up stand up for a few years, and then I started again after about four years. I’ve been getting about two or three times as many people as a few years ago.

Why did you record 90’s Comedian with the website Go Faster Stripe?

I did a DVD the year before with a company called Two Entertain, it was really good because - the money was nice - but the main thing was that I had a record of that years show, and then you could draw a line under it for next years one. I wanted to do another DVD, and my management couldn’t find anyone to do a it for me. And in the end I told them to offer it for free if they just filmed it. Literally in 2005 I couldn't give my work away. And then this guy who was a tech support man at this Arts Centre in Cardiff read the interview and he had seen the show and liked it, and he then set up this company to film it. Basically I didn’t get any money for it, but I get a share of any sales. Subsequently he’s filmed about ten DVD’s with people like Richard Herring and is doing really important work.

Who have you recorded this tour with?

It's been recorded in Glasgow, for a company called Real Talent. Its really great. The main thing about a DVD is - even though I made about £2500 out of the Go Faster Stripe DVD - that when you film the show its like you put the show to bed, its difficult when you’re a comedian, its really hard to draw a line under your show. It forces you to move on. So when people come up to and ask you to do so and so bit you can say well there’s a video of it, I cant remember it and I’ve got some new stuff, it’s a way of forcing yourself to move on

Congratulations on becoming a dad, as a father do you think you’ll be carrying on with such large tours for many more years?

No I don’t, I’ve been very lucky because we had the baby last year and we really needed to get some money in, to get him his own room. A 70 date tour, up in Edinburgh , it’s the longest I’ve ever done, its just getting ridiculous, it was very hard on my wife.
However two weeks ago BBC 2 decided they were going to do a series with me. It was first talked about in 2005, then it was cancelled in 2006, then it went back on the slate in 2007 and about two weeks ago they commissioned it. The great thing about that is that I can work on that for about a year, then when I do tour again the whole set up will have changed . A 30 date tour of bigger places, in the short term I wont have to be away for much, which is great because every time you go back after three or four days away the babies different. The last year everything has worked out so well, i've been in a real rut for a long time.

Are you going to be doing this years Edinburgh Festival?

I am, I’m going to do a little play, about an audience with Queen Elizabeth I, conducted by Sir Walter Raleigh. I’m also going to do stand up 5 nights a week at The Stand which is a comedy club in Edinburgh, I’m going to do that show, its not a proper show, but it will be used to generate new material for the TV show. Its just going to be a bit cheaper than the other show, a bit of a shambles.

What do you think of the big four comedy venues separating and forming the Edinburgh comedy festival?

I think its really bad, it might not be so bad the big four, coming together under a marketing banner. Its incredibly insensitive and rude. The Edinburgh comedy festival has announced that 'its separating from the main event' , but not a single person involved in it has issued a statement to artistic policy. Its all about branding and money. And also I think it could have a real damaging effect, if they keep talking about it in the same light as Glastonbury.

Why do you think Glastonbury haven’t sold out this year?

Its because if you went to Glastonbury twenty years ago, half the bands gave there money back and that went to charity, so there was a real feeling of mucking in. As a comic you got paid about 100 quid but you didn’t mind because you were part of a bigger thing. As artists you have to sleep in a ditch with all the mud, but Neil Diamonds not giving his fee back and Kate Moss is flying in in a helicopter.

Then you think hold on a minute someone’s doing really well out of this why should have to endure shit conditions. Likewise it’s the same with the Edinburgh Fringe, at the moment if you're watching a really good comic, in a cold stage with water dripping on your head you don’t mind because everything is done on a wing and a prayer. If I’m in at a comedy festival that has a £500000 pound sponsorship I’m going to be pissed off if I’m on sitting on a wet stage with water dripping on my head. I want to feel like I’m part of something, mucking in for a big free for all. The money wont feed through to the acts, but as usual it will all go on branding and bars. So I think their in danger of really fucking it up in Edinburgh. Part of the fringe is that you don’t mind if its rough and ready as long as no one takes any money out of it. If the Edinburgh fringe comedy festival has big sponsorship people are going to feel ripped off. And the same will happen as what happens at Glastonbury, people will stop going and will go to smaller more manageable festivals.

Do you think TV execs have been slightly weary of you since the backlash over Jerry Springer the opera?

I really don’t know I think the thing about big Tele people is that I get all these big reviews and they think here’s a good one and we will get this one on Tele. Then they come and see me and think I cant have this on Tele. Its not so much about content but style, you’ve gotta think I’m forty, I talk really slowly about involved things, you cant put me on bbc3 for 16 to 24 year old. So they ask what do you do with me? So its not fear so much. The fact that I’ve been very lucky that the last few years and have had the best reviews any stand up has ever had really still doesn’t mean I make good television. Its difficult for Tele people none of them have got any idea but there in charge .

Any aspirations to become a Tele exec?

Not really no, I know Richard Herring applied for a job at head of comedy at BBC2, but I think they thought it was a joke, but I think it would be really great, he can write and he does gigs, and he knows who everyone is. How about that then?
Once I get the other side of this Tv series I will see if it gets enough viewers to be re-commissioned, if they don’t I wont worry, I will have a bit of money to get a room for the baby to sleep then I can go back to doing all the really interesting fun things, hopefully go back to the world of making art with renewed gusto. Although It would be great to do the television thing because you can obviously you could pass the responsibilities onto someone else, maybe get a driver.

Did you find more people recognised you after your guest appearance on Have I got News For You?

Yeah , and it wasn’t much fun, you get about 600 quid for going on HIGNFY, 6 million people watch it and really I don’t really like doing things like that, because I’m not very good at them. But I was getting married and we needed the money for it, but I did it, and a week after we were on our honeymoon in Aberdeen, 1 in 7 people watch it, so every other person in the street was shouting ‘hey funny man’ its fucking terrible. If you are properly famous you're probably not wondering around Aberdeen at night. You think at 25 it would be really cool to be recognised, but being 40 and being recognised everywhere is quite upsetting and intimidating really.

Richard Thomas is apparently writing another opera this time on Anna Nicole Smith, are you going to be involved?

No I’m not, but I would love to do something with him again. It became very difficult, all the opera, stuff, because of this campaign against us from the Christian right, we couldn’t get paid anything.
I really love his work and I really love him, his one of my best friends, I did about 4 or 5 years on Jerry Springer but I never really saw any money for it, I will do something with him eventually.

He’s good fun to work with, some people are precious about things, and some you have to be careful working with their egos, but Richard works really hard, if he doesn’t agree with you , you just have a forthright argument about it. I’ve worked with some people who have been a real education.

How farcical do you think shows like the hundred best stand up in the world are? You were beaten by Jim Davidson

Funnily enough I was sitting with all the Jongeleurs comics in Bristol the other night, and we were having a laugh, a lot of them were off the main stream circuit, a lot of them do cruises. All the Jongeleurs comics do the same sort of stuff, but there making £50000 to £100000 grand a year, and yet you’ve never heard of them! Their's people playing last night that id never heard of have got three houses! The comics that win awards and get 5 star reviews are on teachers money.

All those sort of shows are farcical, I was asked to do a show called the shows comedians favourite comedians, they asked me to pick my favourite comics, So I said yes id like to talk about Simon Munnery, Chick Murray, so they said we haven't got any of them on the list, can you choose one of these three.

With regards to the hundred best comedians of all time there is no way that me and Daniel Kitson would have got in that list because of a public vote, because were simply not well known enough, but I think they tried to give it a degree of credibility by shoe horning in a few people that are critically seen as good into it. It got my mum off my back for a bit though. I thought I’m never going to be in it again so I will write a show called the 41st comedian ever.

Any plans for another novel?

I did the first 30000 words of the last one then my management started to tout it around to people. So we got all this money and we got deadline but you cant rush a novel, it sort of went wrong. The one I’m doing now I’ve started it, done about 10,000 words for it, but I’m not going to take it anywhere until its done. But also I’m tempted to see if I can get it published without anyone knowing that I’m a comedian. I think proper writers are slightly irritated by the celebrity culture of publishing, there’s a section in water stones called celebrity hardbacks!

There no Americans on the bill for you ten best stand ups bill, why is that?

If we could have got Chris Rock I’d have had him, but he’s doing Wembley throughout that period Apart from Chris rock there would be a living American i would put on at the expense of any of the people on the list.

- The list includes-

Harry Hill
Simon Munnery
Johnny Vegas
Josie Long
Stephen Carlin

What were trying to do with the series is present people who are not known or have been forgotten about , like Simon Munnery, or because like with Harry Hill people don’t realise what good stand ups they are. I suppose there was sort of an agenda behind it, these people are all really brilliant and you may not know.

Despite this brazen modesty, there are some people whose opinions we take deadly serious, and in terms of comedy, there is no one whose opinion we hold in higher regard than comedian Stewart Lee.

Fresh off the back of a national tour, Stewart Lee is returning to London to host a season of stand-up entitled Stewart Lee Presents the Ten Best Stand-ups in the World Ever. Now, you could ask what qualifications does Stewart Lee have to declare these the best comedians in the world? Surely by saying this, he is just delivering his opinion, much like Channel 4, the BBC or any other compiler of ‘best of’ lists. Well, that’s a fair point, but unlike the these compilers, Stewart Lee has spent the last 20-30 years working in comedy, and, in his own words “I am a comedy industry insider, member of the public and critic, writing for The Sunday Times, Wire, Bucketful Of Brains and Good Housekeeping amongst others. And so I have arrived at my own definitive list of the best ten stand-ups of all time, based on my insider knowledge and a secret ballot of myself conducted by me.”

Naturally, the acts that Stewart has chosen as his top ten aren’t the run of the mill acts you see ranking high on other comedy 'best-ofs'. Banished from the list are the likes of Peter Kay, Ricky Gervais and Russell Brand and welcomed into the fold in their place come such comedy circuit favourites as Boothby Graffoe, Simon Munnery and John Hegley, as well as more unknown, but still laudable comics such as Josie Long, Stephen Carlin and Kevin McAleer. Add to this a performance by Harry Hill, a ‘mystery guest’ (who looking at the calibre of the other guests, must be pretty darn good) and Stewart Lee performing some work-in-progress material just for you, this could be the best comedy treat people will see this side of the Edinburgh Fringe. If only Stewart’s other two choices (Daniel Kitson and Jerry Sadowitz) were available to join the list as well. We would be verging on some form of comedy utopia...

To get tickets to this cornucopia of comedic merriment, click here. For more Stewart Lee amusement, visit his website here.

Alan Moore is the diseased mind behind From Hell, V for Vendetta and Watchmen. His influence is so wide-ranging upon modern culture that the Anonymous protest of Scientology directly modelled itself upon his Guy Fawkes Mask from V for Vendetta. Here he discusses alternative religions.

Johnny Vegas is a northern English comedian famous for appearing in Northern Rock Adverts featutring a stuffed monke, something alluded to in the interview. He also appeared in Sex Lives of the Potato Men.

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