Then he stops and hands you the present, it's wrapped in white, shiny paper, but there's no bow and it's heavy, too heavy to be what you expected and as your curiosity mounts you also don't care what's inside. You put the gift down and start to kiss him, but he insists that you open it. He's so excited that you can't help yourself. Caught up in the moment your rip off the paper and throw it on the floor. But, what? Are you seeing this right. You look at the box and you look up at him, he's gleaming and you look back again, not able to comprehend what the hells is going on and you read the words, ANAL INTRUDER 2000. And you ask yourself, What is an anal intruder? He is almost panting and you don't want to destroy the moment, but you have no idea what to do. "Does he want me to stick this thing up his ass or does he want to stick it up mine?"

The passion seeps out of you before you can ask and you wonder why you didn't know this about him before?

What would you do?

This one I believe was simply video of him discussing cell phones and someone added the iPhone music and graphics.

And just for kicks, here is a scene from Blue Velvet:

Ryan

Reading a Christopher Moore novel is a little like eating a potato chip--it's hard to stop at just one. And you don't have to look beyond the titles to understand the allure; who could pass up a book called Practical Demonkeeping or Island of the Sequined Love Nun? Each of Moore's tales skewers a particular literary genre. In Coyote Blue he nailed New Age fascination with Native American religion; in Blood-Sucking Fiends: A Love Story he put a new twist on the classic vampire tale. The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove is a companion piece to his first novel, the hilariously twisted horror story Practical Demonkeeping, and readers of that book will recognize the setting, Pine Cove, California. In addition, Moore includes plenty of his patented weird sex, occasional gross-out death, several off-kilter but nonetheless affecting love stories, and some fabulous secondary characters such as Mavis Sand:

Mavis first began augmenting her parts in the fifties, first out of vanity: breasts, eyelashes, hair. Later, as she aged and the concept of maintenance eluded her, she began having parts replaced as they failed, until almost half of her body weight was composed of stainless steel (hips, elbows, shoulders, finger joints, rods fused to vertebrae five through twelve), silicon wafers (hearing aids, pacemaker, insulin pump), advanced polymer resins (cataract replacement lenses, dentures), Kevlar fabric (abdominal wall reinforcement), titanium (knees, ankles), and pork (ventricular heart valve).

In a nutshell, the plot revolves around a gigantic prehistoric lizard whose slumber deep beneath the ocean surface is interrupted by a radioactive leak from a nearby power plant. At the same time, a woman in Pine Cove hangs herself; the local psychiatrist (who has been prescribing antidepressants to everyone in town with gay abandon) decides the suicide was her fault and yanks everyone's medication; and an elderly black blues singer named Catfish Jefferson arrives to perform at the Head of the Slug saloon. Into this already strange brew mix one schizoid former B-movie starlet, a pot-head town constable, a bereaved local artist, a biologist tracking anomalous behavior in rats, a crooked sheriff, and a pharmacist with a bizarre sexual fixation on sea mammals, and you have a recipe for the kind of madness Moore does so well. --Alix Wilber

The town psychiatrist has decided to switch everybody in Pine Cove, California, from their normal antidepressants to placebos, so naturally -- well, to be accurate, artificially -- business is booming at the local blues bar. Trouble is, those lonely slide-guitar notes have also attracted a colossal sea beast named Steve with, shall we say, a thing for explosive oil tanker trucks. Suddenly, morose Pine Cove turns libidinous and is hit by a mysterious crime wave, and a beleaguered constable has to fight off his own gonzo appetites to find out what's wrong and what, if anything, to do about it. "

The town psychiatrist has decided to switch everybody in Pine Cove, California, from their normal antidepressants to placebos, so naturally -- well, to be accurate, artificially -- business is booming at the local blues bar. Trouble is, those lonely slide-guitar notes have also attracted a colossal sea beast named Steve with, shall we say, a thing for explosive oil tanker trucks. Suddenly, morose Pine Cove turns libidinous and is hit by a mysterious crime wave, and a beleaguered constable has to fight off his own gonzo appetites to find out what's wrong and what, if anything, to do about it.
"

Order Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove from Amazon for $7.96

Don't have Amazon Kindle? You can always purchase it from here
Or if you prefer to read the Print editions instead, you can get it from here

Other Kindle Books of Interest
Practical Demonkeeping
Island of the Sequined Love Nun
The Stupidest Angel
Lamb
You Suck

A South Australian woman has given birth to her father's son after the couple had sex.

John and Jenny Deaves reunited 30 years after Mr Deaves separated from Jenny's mother.

Jenny was 31 and just two weeks after meeting, father and daughter had sex.

"John and I are in this relationship as consenting adults," Mrs Deaves told the Nine Network tonight.

"We are just asking for a little bit of respect and understanding."

Their nine month old daughter Celeste, shown on TV, appears fit and healthy.

Mrs Deaves said soon after reuniting with her father she began to see him as a man first and her father second.

"I was looking at him, sort of going, oh, he's not too bad.

"Like you might look at a man across the bar at a nightclub."

Mrs Deaves brought two children, Samantha and Alex, into the relationship after splitting from her former partner.

Mr Deaves admitted that he "initially" thought having sex with his daughter was wrong.

"Emotions take over, as people no doubt realise, there are times during your life where emotions do rule the heart, it rules the head," he said.

"I knew it was illegal, of course I knew it was illegal but you know, so what."

Mrs Deaves said the physical relationship with her father was like "a sexual relationship with any other man".

For Mr Deaves the sexual relationship was "absolutely fantastic".

A South Australian police media spokesman told AAP "the couple is being monitored".

AAP

Full Article --->>> http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/father-and-daughter-have-child/2008/04/06/1207420202007.html

No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth. Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you-or holding you in his arms.

Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown-if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)

During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.

In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.

Clinton, Oklahoma has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.

It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate. [Hmmm... okay, there's one place with a law that makes sense... -psl]

In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.

In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.

A law in Fairbanks, Alaska does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.

In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute on Sunday afternoons.

In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.

The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.

Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.

An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club".

The following important amendment however is to be considered here: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to male horses."

In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.

Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law.

In Los Angeles, California, a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be given prior to the event, as is carefully stipulated. [Not to be confused with the myth about "rule of thumb"'s origin -psl]

In Maryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "The privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."

In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.

In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.

An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!

In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job-for men only-called a corset inspector.)

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.

In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!

A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.

Utah state legislation outlaws all sex with anyone but your spouse. Next to that adultery, oral and anal sex, masturbation are considered sodomy and can lead to imprisonment. Sex with an animal - unless performed for profit - however is NOT considered sodomy. Polygamy - provided only the missionary position has been applied - is only a misdemeanor.

BELLEVUE -- Police say a man in Bellevue was caught on tape having sex with a picnic table.

Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table. What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.

The neighbor -- who wishes to remain anonymous -- saw Price walk out onto his deck, stand a round metal table on its side and use the hole for the umbrella to have sex. The most recent instance took place March 14, we're told. A neighbor videotaped Price.

"The first video we had, he was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table," Johnson says. Police say Price admitted to the crimes -- four charges of public indecency. Usually these sorts of things are misdemeanors, but in this case, they are felonies. "What boosts it up to a felony is that the statute says if it's likely to be viewed by a minor," Johnson explains.The Price family did not want to talk with us, but neighbors did. Some are not happy Price was released on his own recognizance. "He shouldn't be allowed just for the fact that he could do that again -- and nude that close to a school. That should be zero tolerance," says Brice Jacobs, a neighbor.

Price is married with three school-aged children. Neighbors tell us they're now worried about the kids. "Hopefully it stays between the adults and the kids don't get a lot of the information so they aren't so cruel to the little kids," says Emily Grote, a neighbor.This case has police in this small town shaking their heads. "Once you think you've seen it all, something else comes around," Johnson says.

I can't think of a thing to say about this except....

At least he brought his own mayonnaise to the picnic.

Yes, that's a nasty thing to say but I just could not resist it.

Today's piece of shitcake goes to Picnic Table Lover......

Sex MuseumOriginally uploaded by naatiu

Toilet time. Though wouldn't it make more sense if you had to sit on the dick, and had the pussy come down onto your lap?

Frivole am zis? Ei bine asa am descoperit-o pe Obama Girl, un fel de Oana Zavoranu, far better looking si mult mai amuzanta. Nici nu e greu, dar fiind ca e vorba de un personaj inventat de doi publicitari de prin State care au sesizat corect hype-ul din jurul candidatului democrat Barack Obama. In treacat fie spus dramatic e ca mrs Zavoranu si  pasiunea ei pentru Vadim Tudor cu tot sunt absolut reale.

Anyway, check this out:

Versurile mele favorite

You’re into border security
Let’s break this border between you and me
Universal healthcare reform
It makes me warm
You tell the truth unlike the right
You can love but you can fight
You can Barack me tonight
I’ve got a crush on Obama

sex museum

Originally uploaded by *regenboog*

Don't know quite what to make of this one, but it's kinda cute in its very own strange way...