- sarah mclachlan, do what you have to do.

somehow the feeling of being detached from you has increased lately. whatever is keeping you from talking to me is also keeping you away from me. in that sense, it doesn't matter that it is not related to me. the fact is it is related to you - and that alone is reason enough for me to want to know.

it becomes a wall, love. a wall that i can't scale across though i may desperately want to. somehow, you need to offer me the first foothold before i could attempt to reach the top of that wall. and you are not doing that. are you telling her then? at least talk to her - i would feel better knowing there is someone you can speak to about whatever it is that you can't tell me.

it takes courage to reveal your self to someone, i would know that. i did that before you arrived, before you even told me anything. i told you who is the real me. i think you have been the first person that i've been so honest with. and now, that honesty seems to have momentarily - i hope - diminished. let me know, love, who the real you is. i just want to share your burden with you.

Deep within I’m shaken by the violence
Of existing for only you

Kisses, bom respirar os ares de meu blog novamente.

PS: Novo Titulo, Novo Layout, Novas Idéias, Novos Pensamentos e um novo Dero, ou, Fe Dero;

so this is how it is for me, this is the gamble i have chosen to take on, the opportunity i refused to let slip by.

you come over unannounced.
silence broken by your voice in the dark.
i need you here tonight
just like the ocean needs the waves

and in 3 months' time i'll know. meanwhile, let us have the most out of the time together! i want to share so many things with you - my past and my present. to let you have a glimpse into the person i once was and the person i am becoming under you. with you i feel like the chipped pieces are coming back together again, like i am getting back to the same happy person i was 5 years ago. the me i had always wanted to find back - the girl with the independence and the drive and the incredible ability to love.

i will follow you into the dark, love! with no hesitation.

Mein erster Kuss war mit 9 ... ich kann mich nicht an das Mädchen erinnern, weiß noch nicht mal mehr ihren Namen... ob blond oder braun ...ob sie oder ich den ersten Schritt gemacht hat ... es ist einfach passiert ... ohne Vorwarnung, unbeabsichtigt ...spielerisch quasi ... ich weiß nur noch, dass wir in Bewegung waren ... ich muss hinter ihr hergelaufen sein ...sie muss mich vorher etwas *provoziert* haben ...hat sie vielleicht geahnt, wie es dann weitergehen würde ... ich denke nicht, es war ein Spiel ...
irgendwann hab ich dann das Mädchen zu fassen bekommen ... wir waren atemlos... haben uns angelächelt ... atemlos und  etwas herausfordernd ...hmm, und dann ... hat sie oder ich ... oder wir beide... der Kuss jedenfalls hat süß geschmeckt ..ein flüchtiges, unbekümmertes Berühren unserer Lippen ... es war  eindeutig eine Mischung aus  Sommer, Kaugummi und einem undefinierbaren, unwiderruflichen, unnachahmlichen Duft nach ... Mädchen eben ...

Ich hab sie nie wiedergesehen ...mir war auch nicht bewusst, dass es etwas Besonderes war ... das erste Mal sozusagen ... ich weiß nur, dass es gut war ... es hat sich gut angefühlt ... ich weiß noch, dass da  außerdem noch ein leichtes Kribbeln war ...mehr aber nicht ... dieser Duft ... und dieses merkwürdige Kribbeln . .. und  wenn ich heute darüber nachdenke ... auch  mein Herz muss schwerer geworden  sein... um ein paar Milligramm ... normalerweise sollte es sich ja leichter anfühlen ...aber in diesem Moment ...und in den Momenten danach ...mein Herz schrumpft dann zu einem warmen, festen Klumpen zusammen ...

Seitdem gab es bestimmt unendlich viele Küsse ... und das schreckliche, dass all diese Folge-Küsse (wie soll ich sie sonst nennen ?!) nicht nachhaltig in Erinnerung geblieben sind ... ich meine, ich könnte die verschiedenen Arten der Küsse/ des Küssens nicht den entsprechenden Frauen zuordnen ... das macht mir Angst ... a kiss is just a kiss ... oder bin ich einfach nicht sensibel genug ... geht es  eventuell anderen auch so ? Ist  dieses Glücksgefühl des Küssens, des vorher stattgefundenen Augenkontakts ... der schnellere Herzschlag  ... das leichte Öffnen der Mundes .. Zungen, die zueinander finden ....ist das alles nichts besonderes ... für mich... ???

Hmm, ich weiß nur, dass ich weiterküssen ... mich weiter verlieben werde ... die gleichen  “L”-Fehler wieder begehen werde ... es sind ja keine Fehler, im eigentlichen Sinn ... keine Ver*fehl*ungen ...
sondern ein Wachsen ... ein Weitergehen ...nicht innehalten ... on the road to ultimate “L” ...

Was ich gehört habe : also beim letzten Satz ... sehr peinlich, aber wahr ... Janet Jackson ... Free Xone ...

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=ZodMOcwsRCo

it is pretty weird after a month-long habit of having you here with me beside me 24-7. you were there.weren't there for every single moment, it is such a paradoxical situation that we are living in!

i just wanted to say, this needs some getting used to. =) and love, i am absolutely fine with you here.not here.

and i felt that i wanted to share this with you. i wanted to be able to trek long distances to capture that perfect shot and share that moment of creation with you. to be under the stars and to shoot starlight with a freaking 23minute-long exposure (yea i know it's insane). to overlook waves crashing upon a cliff face in a tumultuous storm and immortalizing that picture forever in time - with you.

how could this have turned out this way, who would have thought. you bring out the crazy.impractical.impulsive side of me. you have given me the ability to dream once again. and i feel alive because of you. genesis is now a possibility.

and i felt that i wanted to share this with you. i wanted to be able to trek long distances to capture that perfect shot and share that moment of creation with you. to be under the stars and to shoot starlight with a freaking 23minute-long exposure (yea i know it's insane). to overlook waves crashing upon a cliff face in a tumultuous storm and immortalizing that picture forever in time - with you.

how could this have turned out this way, who would have thought. you bring out the crazy.impractical.impulsive side of me. you have given me the ability to dream once again. and i feel alive because of you. genesis is now a possibility.

Laughing together amidst problems.

Holding that rope of hope tightly even when one feels like lost.

Being commited irrespective of distance and time.

Being there for each other without arising the need to ask !!

Making each other to realize that you are the world.

Believing love for each other is above all disagreements.

Craving for each other no matter how many years you spend together.

Image Source

]]> http://gstoneawong.wordpress.com/?p=173 Wed, 01 Oct 2008 23:01:54 +0000 Gev http://gstoneawong.ro.wordpress.com/2008/10/01/love-is-all-a-state-of-mind/ Have you ever had the opportunity to tell someone you didn't know "I totally understand you" and mean it sincerely? I have, and I meant it. I didn't mean only to make them feel better, but I genuinely understood where they stood, how they felt and why they were reacting the way they were. I tend to do this quite often, and people ask me why I don’t just tell them my opinion and I tell them how I feel if I disagree. i wouldn't want someone to just shove their opinion down my throat, so I know that they probably don’t. I was probably once in their shoes and hearing someone shove their opinion in my face didn’t help my situation any.

To me "Love is just a state of mind" you can accept someone as they are, or you cannot and you can MAKE the change. What seems more logical to you?

When I try and explain to people the feeling I get as I’m listening to someone, or when I engage in a conversation, it’s difficult. Because people seem to miss the concept that I’m not doing it for me, I’m not doing anything for myself, I’m simply doing it because I feel they might need it.

Think about this for a second:

When you are in a conversation where is your mind at?
All I simply want to do is give the gift of attentive listening, of wanting to be in that conversation, and truly caring about what they are saying. Most people don’t genuinely have anyone who will give them 110% of their attention in ANY conversation.

WHY?

Because we get so busy, we are living our own lives we forget to slow down and to listen and to think about them and not ourselves for 30 seconds. When you are going about your life and talking to people are you talking to be sincere, or are you really listening to them? I had to stop and slow down to really see that I wasn’t even listening to people. People were coming to me in high school with their problems and I didn’t care, I’d sit there and tune them out like I was this heartless bitch, and that doesn’t do any good.

If you have kids, how many times does it take for them to get your attention by yelling “MOMMY!” or “DADDY!”? Is it because you’re on a totally different planet and you aren’t there with your kids?

The world’s simplest thing, can make a worlds biggest difference.

Listening to a person could change their heart…you could simply love them and say “I’ve been there, you’re not alone” and change a person’s perspective just with those words. Did you know that? Did you know that if you were really there, and involved with people not in your own bubble wrapped up in yourself you could actually change someone’s life?
YOU.

Not just me, but yes you.
I believe that it all starts small…and gradually grows into something bigger.
Any thoughts?

Due tickets acquistati da tempo per i Coldplay: serata indimenticabile.

i couldn't have believed how all of these turned out and i can also feel the distance gnawing away slowly at us. the distance and at the same time, the strange proximity is what made us -us-. the theory behind it, as i had dreamt one night, is that because of the distance of the ocean between us, it made us brutally honest with each other in terms of our needs and desires. how strange! i never experienced this before!

but i would be lying to say that what i saw on your facebook didn't make me feel that i really did dream of all this. your relationship with her had so much history behind it! if i were to compare, i'll be a molehill and she'll be the himalayas (or something THAT majestic). it also made me feel for a moment, that perhaps, just perhaps, what we have right now is wrong.

i would also be lying to say i'll be fine, that i could take care of myself. i had to say it to make things okay, to appear flippant and carefree - when in reality, i have no idea what would happen to me. but i would lose that honesty that i've shared (only) with you so far. so many firsts! so hard to give it all up.

and it gets harder as each day goes by. you know you should cut the strings off but you didn't/couldn't/wouldn't. and then it gets too late and you crumble down, into dust.

and love - this song is for you.

[googlevideo=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8732753936492982605&ei=OEfDSLbEIJSWwgPH2ei8BQ&q=you+and+me+lifehouse&emb=1]

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up
And I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping inwards
You got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of

You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive

but you know what, that was the best thing anyone ever told me. i was incredibly happy to hear that from you but at the same time, the good intertwined with the bad and i kept thinking of when you return home in dec, would you still remember me?

i've thought of what i'll say to your mom if i met her and she disapproves of me! i've also thought of what i'll tell your dad and joke with him about (you). and then i would like to meet your older brother, the one you keep fighting with. it was at this point that i realised, i had crossed the line of 'like', that i have already began the process of falling in love with you.

and minutes with you each day is becoming a bonus when i know that this may not last 3 months down the road. i am being practical, not pessimistic. i would definitely love to swing life away, but i'm aware of what it will be, love. and that has been causing the juxtaposition of emotions, the highs and the lows and the incredible sensation of being alive when i'm in love with you.

what wouldn't i give for minutes with you alone! to the extent that i impulsively book tickets to see you - banging on the fact that i -may- be able to go away, hoping that my boss will give me that time out to do this really important thing in my life. hey, you only live once.

and if you want to know what i'll tell you mom......

minutes with you alone, seconds where i belong.

if you would just say it, you would never see/hear from me ever again.

and this is how it should be done, goodbyes should be forever. i should have just walked right out instead of putting you through this now. it's how silly, love, when i'm giving myself hope against hope that this will work out. are you really sure you want to give us a shot?

for top of the list memories of you, i will -remember- how it feels to sleep in your arms every night, even if that memory is short lived.